--- title: "The Art of Letter Writing: Crafting Words to Praise Character" description: "A small, concrete practice for thanking the people who shaped you, in a form they can keep." author: "Rahim Rasul" type: "Podcast episode" series: "Halftime Talks" episode: 64 published: "2015-11-05" duration: "16 min" theme: "Appreciation and perspective" tags: "letter writing, gratitude, relationships, character" audio: "https://traffic.libsyn.com/secure/rahimrasul/HTT064-LetterWriting.mp3?dest-id=175061" url: "https://iloveprocess.com/halftime/the-art-of-letter-writing/" site: "I Love Process" --- # The Art of Letter Writing: Crafting Words to Praise Character _A small, concrete practice for thanking the people who shaped you, in a form they can keep._ **The question:** How would it feel if somebody noticed the great effort and great sacrifice that you gave to make somebody else's life even better? Listen: https://traffic.libsyn.com/secure/rahimrasul/HTT064-LetterWriting.mp3?dest-id=175061 ## Before you listen With email, texts, FaceTime and direct messages, why would a letter even stand out? In a digital era we still love the tactile feel of something analog. The magic happens when deep intention goes into crafting the letter, enough that twenty years on, the person who got it mentions that they still have it. It started in the fall of 1998, in a business communications class with Dr. Beverly China, who took points off for every misplaced comma. One assignment was to write a treasured letter, and her rule was to praise character and leave alone the things that can be washed off, like appearance, cars or possessions. I wrote to my father and my best friend, and both still know where those letters are. Listen for the challenge at the end: think of two people who made a deep impact on your life and write to them. A few paragraphs and a stamp, with no excuses about poor penmanship. ## From the talk > Instead of praising the specifics of what they did, speak to the character that allowed them to do that. > > All you're truly saying is I see you. And I appreciate you. > > All I put in there is the substance required to touch somebody's heart. ## Transcript As I've said before, today, we're gonna be talking about the art of letter writing. And to understand what letter writing is, it is it is to me this idea of truly clearly and intentionally communicating to a person, right. So you have all these technological ways we can communicate today. You have the email, phone, FaceTime, text, Facebook, tweets, Instagram, direct messages, all these different ways to express an idea across the challenge of these tools, this technology versus this analog, ink, paper, envelope stamp kind of activity is it doesn't really give the great opportunity that letters give to touch a person's heart. I personally don't but I've heard people who may have I don't keep a folder of emails, significant emails. Usually once I read it, I lose it. And then I back all of my emails up to Gmail, but I don't go through old emails in a sense of nostalgia or Oh, wow, this was a great one. And so in today's episode, the core intention behind me doing this episode I want to share with you is that I want to open up the possibility for deeper human connections and the relationships that deserve it. To begin the story of my letter writing career, I, I have to be transparent. I wasn't born with this great desire to be a letter writer. It was the fall of 1998. And I was taking a business communications class in college and my professor. My professor was Dr. Beverly China. She was amazing. This is one of the few professors I remember by name without having to really access that deep part of my memory. The reason I remember her name is because on the first day of class, she was very transparent with us and she expected a great deal out of each of us. It's like yesterday she's she's standing in front of class and she says you know, this is a writing class and I expect you to know how to write so for every misplace comma, I take three points off for every misplaced word. I take a point off for every structural error, I take other points off, and then I begin grading your work so This is the first time in my life that I've had to be a million times more intentional with what I put on paper I had to, I can literally recall reviewing my papers. And with this, the attention to detail that up to that point I hadn't done. And the reason I liked this professor and the reason that this professor's impact has stuck with me because she was a teacher who gave a lot of life with a lot of coursework, who really asked us to look within ourselves and pull out an aspect of character that up to that point in college, it just felt like it was the routine rigamarole kind of class. And one of the assignments that she gave it was it was an amazing assignment it was we had to write business letters, but then she gave us a challenge of writing a another kind of letter, write a treasured letter. And so I chose my, my best friend and my father as recipients of these treasured letters. And in it, I spoke to character I praise character. Within our classwork, she, she gave us this distinction of how to truly praise. She said Do not praise things that can be washed off in array, appearance, cars, possessions, all that stuff is not the person. That stuff can be taken away at any second. If you are to praise praise, character, Praise, praise substance, praise the integrity of an individual and you will touch their heart. So I took that advice and wrote those two letters. And I am proud to say that each of these individuals, both my father, my friend, to this day, know where those letters are. And those are some of the things that stuck with me from that class that I share with you today. I went forward from that perspective, knowing how to touch people's lives when I praise I, I praise character. And so when we begin to write and I, when we talk about this art of letter writing. The one thing I want to recognize is that there's an immense number of people who've contributed to our life. There's an immense number of people who've taken the time to show us something within ourselves that we didn't fully appreciate there, those people who believed in us when it seemed like everybody in the world was against us, there are those people who've been loyal to us, without reason to do such. A lot of those stories that we tell about getting through a situation, when somebody helped us out does the person who who helped you out really know how much of an impact that they made on your life. Email won't do it. A text won't do it. A phone call could touch it a little bit. But that's why we have this art of letter writing and what you wind up creating is a stronger relationship. You end up creating a momento. I do not know how many times over the years. I've written letters of this nature, when you enumerate the character of a person, when you say, you give me life because you're so caring, and thoughtful. And I recognize that I have friends who stored these letters who've wanted to frame these letters, not because I am an exceptional letter writer. But all I put in there is the substance required to touch somebody's heart. Now I want you to think how how it would feel to receive a letter where somebody sees you for who you are. How would it feel if somebody noticed the great effort and great sacrifice that you gave to make somebody else's life even better. So I'm not asking for a grand gesture. I'm not asking for a four digit contribution I'm asking for a piece of paper, a pin, a little bit of thoughtfulness and a stamp, the time that it takes will be well worth it, your return on investment is well worth it. So this, this idea of letter writing is this chance to continue to pour into a relationship. In relationships, you have primarily two activities you have, when you put deposits in relationships. And when you withdraw from relationships, and this deposit of the letter can, like, go really far, it can really touch somebody, it is an opportunity for individuals to feel seen and acknowledged, and appreciated. You know, it's not something that you're going to, you're going to take a photo of and put on the internet, it is a one to one, if you're narcissistic, you know, you're gonna have to fold on this one. But it is this one to one communication, where all you're truly saying is I see you. And I appreciate you. I'm not asking for love. No, I'm not asking for a four page letter. I'm not asking for an essay. There's a few paragraphs to say, I see you. I appreciate you. At one point in my life, you were there for me. And these are some of the things that I learned in that. In that course, that business communication class, it was the best tuition ever spent, I must say. So this is this is an intimate gift that you can give somebody and it takes a little bit. So today's activity today's challenge, today's challenge that I'm offering is that you sit down and think of maybe two people two people who have really made a deep impact on your life. Instead of praising the specifics of what they did speak to the character that allowed them to do that. The selflessness the the loyalty, the love the ability to see something in yourself that others haven't even yourself may not have to open up you to a world to believe in your dreams to support your dreams. We have those people but so often their contribution and a life goes unacknowledged. So this podcast, this halftime talks podcast in general is about perspective. And that's what I want to offer you with this episode today is perspective that some of our relationships are not nurtured. And some of our relationships not only require offerings like I said some of them should demand you have the 10 year the 20 or 30 year people in your life that are there have been there supported you lifted you up, held you high fed you clothe you like literally now's an opportunity for you to take a little bit of time. Go pick up some cranes envelopes or to be generic but just a piece of paper. Just read a bit. No excuses that you have poor penmanship. No excuses that I can't find this. Just get it. That's the art of letter writing.