The Art of Listening pt 2 - What to Listen For

So in today’s episode, we’re going to be continuing our last conversation, the art of listening. In this part two, we’re going to be talking about what to listen for. So in last episode, we talked about how to listen, right, and we talked about the art of listening. And in today’s episode, we’re going to deal in the communication nuances of listening that can make you become an effective full listener. Now, we take for granted the power of listening. And we also take for granted how people try to communicate with us. Everybody’s not able to always articulate in ways that fully express their ideas. In today’s episode, we’re gonna give you some techniques and some ideas that can help you try to listen beyond the words that are being said.

And so you can get to the heart of the intent of the communication. Now we’re reaching into our segment of appreciation, appreciation is so vital, it establishes a perspective and a base that we hold on to for from, it bounces out. And it allows us to look at our life in terms of what is actually going right instead of beating the drum of what’s going wrong. So in today’s appreciation, I want to thank every creative professional. Last night, I got to watch the Oscars. And it was just so inspiring here, Matthew McConaughey talking about the three things, somebody who looks up to somebody he looks forward to, and somebody he’s chasing, you know, the saying, I think I got the middle one a little bit wrong, but it was just so inspiring to see creative people at their best inspiring us to just even touch a little bit of that greatness.

I appreciate the people who fight for creative expression. If it’s the person in the meeting, or the person behind the camera, it’s just inspiring to, to be the beneficiary. There’s so much orchestration, in terms of creativity in terms of storytelling, in terms of people trying to captivate our imaginations, and our tree. So that’s today’s appreciation. And, you know, take a second look in your life, acknowledge some of the things that are in there that weren’t there five years ago, and acknowledge that you do have the power and ability to create it forward, create and chase that vision of the future like Matthew McConaughey said, that 10 year out vision, who keeps growing and evolving, but it’s the journey. I appreciate the journey. And thank you for listening to the appreciation segment.

Listening is an art. Now we’ve discussed briefly about the art of listening in terms of how to listen. Now we’re going to dive into what do we need to listen for in the communication.All people have different levels of ability in forming words, structures for concepts that are going on in their head. So I remember being young and communicating with friends and some people took things a little bit more personally than others. So you had to construct this, this whole this whole framework of a sentence so they won’t be offended and you got your idea across. When people listen to you, or you’re listening to other people, as I discussed in the last podcast, that listening engulfs more than just the faculty of your ears, it is your eyes it is your emotion is listening.

Like in poker you’re, you’re looking for tells you’re not just reading the cards, you’re looking for little habitual movements, that are utilized to tell that story that is going on behind the scenes. So part of the art of listening in terms of what to listen for, is you have to listen for intent. And I repeat that you have to listen, for intent. Words camouflage the concept of what’s going on in their head. According to them, in their own mind, they’re speaking clearly they’re communicating clearly. While it may sound like gibberish, or it may not fully resonate, as you understand and get to know a person, you can begin to discern what they’re saying, not necessarily the words that are coming out of their mouth. So I remember the story.

I was listening to Lewis Howes, the School of Greatness podcast, and he had Simon Sinek on Simon sitting is the author of “Why do leaders eat last” and “start with why”. And he was telling a story about a mother who was upstairs preparing a nursery for their, their impending child. And she called down to her husband and asked him if he could come up and and gather his opinion on, you know, the progress that she’s made in earth. Do you like the wallpaper or something to that effect? He, you know, like a good soon to be father put the remote down, ran upstairs. And she asked, you know, what do you think about this wallpaper? And he’s like, Yeah, I’m not really feeling it. You know, Simon, in his story went on to tell that, hey, that was not necessarily the greatest answer.

Because if you were really listening to the context of how she’s even asking this question, she’s not asking about the wallpaper. She’s asking, Do you believe that I’ll be a good mother. And it was really telling for me when I heard that. And it also goes in line with how I listen. Because you when you listen for intent, you move into a different space, you move into a space where you’re really being empathetic, at the deepest level, you’re trying to care, and put yourself in someone shoots like, What are you saying, Now, if he would have came upstairs heard that statement said in a different way, he could have responded with, as Simon said, in his podcast, you know, you’re gonna be a great mother, you’re doing so much for this child, you care.

And regardless of what we choose for any of this kind of wallpaper, it’s going to be alright. With speaking to her base emotion, that’s what she’s, she’s looking for that validation that she’s going to be somebody good, she’s going to be a good mother. Listening is listening to that intent. And also understanding communication, which is the inverse it is, is that once you understand how people start to react to typical words, and you may not have the best ability to articulate them, what I do is I begin with intention, like Yo, check this out. I’m not sure how this is going to come out, or how it’s going to sound but please don’t lose what I say with what I’m trying to communicate. I love you, I care about you, I want the best for you.

I don’t want to make it feel like I’m lecturing you. And then you go into your communication. So they know from the front, they can’t get mad at how you say something. Because when you get mad at how you say something, you got to realize how somebody says something is the concept that’s in your head that’s begun to begin clothed by the words. Now the words are the clothing, the description is not to described. I repeat, a quote from Judy Krishnamurti says, the description is not to describe. Describing the smell of the rose and the experience of the rose smell are two different things. One can only hope to contain into words, but words fall short most of the time. That an understanding one of the limitations of verbal communication.

Once you take into context, a person, the environment, the scene, the setting, how they feel, are they in an empowered state or disempowered state that affects what you listen for when somebody is completely out of balance? They don’t have the words. Some people wonder why I don’t like to argue I don’t really like to communicate in arguing because you’re not you’re not your best self, you’re not your true self. Your ability to articulate is is substantially lessened because you’re not in a balanced place. You may say something which may cause another argument, which may lead to no just a blow to the relationship that can’t be resolved. I like to gather myself take time and find that place of balance and in that sense their place you can build up from.

But when you’re imbalanced, and you try to build from that imbalance, it shifts everything in the wrong direction. An important part of communication is recognizing emotionally where you are, because that’s gonna affect your ability to hear and where the other person communicating is well. In modern times of today, communication is such such an industry, we have public relations, we have marketing we have, we have advertising, and all these organizations are really good at are manipulating variables to express messages. So people have PR agents, politics, companies, and what they do is they craft these images of the people they represent, to make them appear. We get mad when they step out of that appearance, but they were who they were, regardless of the PR the whole time.

I always get weary when somebody’s selling me something, because dirt, dirt, dirt are communicating to your desires, they’re communicating to your fears, they’re communicating to ways that you feel empowered things that resonate with your core values. And the more that they can strike that chord, the more they can elicit you towards an action, response of a behavior. Once you’re aware of what you’re listening for, like, Wow, I almost I almost acted on that that was, that was a good marketing, that was a good statement. That was that almost got me moving, you know, you can be present and then choose from that perspective instead of reacting. Ofen we react, we hear the word terrorism, and instantly we go into that whole 911 state of mind.

“This is not going to happen again, we will never forget.” Observe how politicians craft messages, how politicians use, you know, one of those strong words like religious freedom, in defense of, you know, ideas that are anti gay. So it takes a present mind to be balanced, so that they can hear the agenda, the intention, and what kind of outcomes that the person communicating are really trying to do. Now, there’s times where you can ease back the lever of listening, and you’re in a you’re in a grocery store, and somebody’s trying to have small talk small talk isn’t significant. One thing that people do look for is engagement, you know, so small talk, you can go to passive listening. There’s other times when you must go to critical listening, where everything that’s being said, has been calculated and measured.

The State of the Union, every sentence of that has been calculated, measured, with a design to really hit certain notes with certain core people and cater to certain beliefs and ideas and ideologies of other people. Common communication, you have to listen to the content. If it’s sales, what’s the agenda? Do they believe in a product? Or are they just trying to sell me something. So the more that we look at these nuances, and it’s going to happen through practice, and repetition, just go out, just go out to Best Buy. And ask someone to describe features and benefits and add somebody and engage in a conversation and begin to practice the art of listening. The more that you begin to learn how to listen from a holistic perspective, the more you hear, just like in photography, you could take a raw image, or you can process it down to a JPEG.

All the information is available if we only learn to tune into it. And so the opportunity for us to become more effective communicators is always at the forefront. Revelation isn’t something new coming into the world. It’s you moving into that insight. It’s you being a resonant match that insight. The more you listen, the better you listen, the more you are prepared to deal with all the things going on in your environment in a way that’s more empowering to you, than you reactive to the world.